dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
