I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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