drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
