He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
