She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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