out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
