What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
