i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
