O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
