YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
