What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
