So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
