We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
