is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just googled if crying burns calories
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
