Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
