Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
