Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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