if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
