the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize