No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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