Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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