I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
