worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
