evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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