the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
