The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
