I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
