She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
