She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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