if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
