Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
