We're like a lot better than the average bears
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
