I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
