My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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