just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
