so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
