We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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