'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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