oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
