There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
