I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
