It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
