my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
