So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
