I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
