I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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