You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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