Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
