So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Someone signed my nipple.
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