You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
