dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
