2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
