Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
