is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
