Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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