paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
