Got a toothbrush?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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