If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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