So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize