They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
