we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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